Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Why I Haven't Thrown Anonymity Out the Window

In the comments on my last post, a reader asked why I was so concerned with anonymity.* I initially wrote a lengthy reply in the comments, and then I decided that perhaps a real post is warranted. So, here goes.

I wrestle with the question of anonymity almost daily. But here are the main reasons for why I am still hesitant to blog under my real name.
1) Once you make the decision, there's really no going back. It's a decision that I need to be really sure about.
2) For those of you who've been regular readers since the very beginning, you'll notice that this blog has morphed from being a more academic blog to being more about academic life. Initially I had envisioned this space as a place to congregate with other history graduate students, both from my M.A. institution and elsewhere. I posted about useful websites for teaching history, interesting articles that could be used in the classroom, etc.... Then I realized that virtually none of my "real life" friends were interested in that sort of thing, so I branched out and began reading blogs by lit professors, etc..., which in turn led to a broader readership. I am not complaining about this--I really like reading about disciplines other than my own. But, since so many of my readers are not historians (or history buffs), I think that a mix of the personal and the professional appeals to the greatest common denominator.
3) Sometimes the things I write in this space are personal. Sure, I don't get into specifics about a lot of things, but I do feel a bit exposed sometimes. What if my advisor reads that I'm struggling with preparing comps lists? Will he judge me because of this? If I don't proofread a post, will readers think I have bad grammar and not ask me to submit articles for publication in their journal/anthology/collection? I am extremely conscious of things like this; I constantly worry that people are judging me because I'm young, or because I'm female, or because I'm very petite, or because I say "like" too often ;).** Or, will people think I am not "intellectual" because I use smiley faces? I am paranoid about things like this, and I've accepted that I really am the personification of a paranoid, mildly OCD, type A personality. If I were to stick more closely to my interest in history (and not academic life more broadly), then I would probably give up my anonymity.
4) While I wish that I could talk openly about research, I am aware that posting things on the web might open me up as a potential target of academic misconduct. What's to say that someone won't read about my research and co-opt some of my ideas? I think that my dissertation topic is fascinating (who doesn't think theirs is great?), and I would like to share my discoveries with the blogosphere, but there is also a real risk in being too open. That is also why, at conferences, I don't bring extra copies of my paper to hand out. Only the chair, and maybe the other panelists, sees the actual written work.
5) I only occasionally post about teaching, much less so than I used to, but I don't want students to find my blog and judge my teaching ability based on what I post here. In the past I have asked for suggestions about leading discussions, commiserated with other instructors, etc..., and I'd rather that students not see the inner workings of the course. In my experience, the more information that students have about how you construct your grading rubric (for instance) the more they challenge their grades.*** Maybe this is just because I'm young and female, but I am frequently challenged on things like this. I find it exhausting. I do explain to my students what I expect of them and their coursework, but I'd rather not get into arguments about why I chose X assignment instead of Y assignment, or why they are reading Famous Historian's book instead of Moderately Famous Historian's book.
6) I will be going on the job market in a few years. Enough said.

So, thoughts? Comments? I want to hear what you all have to say.

* I fully realize that some of you may've figured out who I am in real life. But, let me run with this delusion for at least a little while longer.
** I am much better at this than I used to be. It is entirely subconscious; I usually have no idea I am doing it.
*** Lest you fear that my students are left in the dark, I do give them rubrics so they understand how I grade each assignment. But the rationale for ranking one element higher than the other, for instance, is up to the instructor; I don't want to nit pick with students about why I take grammar and punctuation seriously. All they need to know is that their papers will be marked down if there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation.

5 added thoughts:

Tad Suiter said...

I totally understand where you're coming from on a lot of these points. I hope I didn't come off as overly challenging or pushy in the last comment. I'm not actually pushing an agenda, I was trying to put out an honest question. Hope it came off that way.

That said, I came up with a much longer comment myself, but realized that it, too, was actually more of a post-length reply than a comment.

The History Enthusiast said...

No worries! I didn't think you were being pushy; I'd actually thought about posting on this topic before you even brought it up. I will check out your post on the subject.

Jeremy said...

Are you telling me your last name really isn't Enthusiast?! And I thought I could trust you.

The History Enthusiast said...

LOL!

elle said...

Hey, I struggle with it, too. but yeah, my blog has been intensely personal at times...

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